This Miserable Lifetime
by inlovewithhyouu
Summary: This is what happens after ISaved Your Life but without Carly and Freddie's break up and how Sam gets depressed and ignores everyone as much as possible, see what happens as Sam gets more depressed, and will she ever get out of it?
1. Chapter 1

_Preface:_

**Sam's P.O.V.**

Ever since Freddie saved Carly from the big Taco Truck, as you know, they had been dating. I never told Carly nor Freddie, I actually never told anyone, but ever since I'd been in this depression. My mother found out and said it was "obvious" from the beginning. I don't know why, I guess I was scared. Carly would try setting us up and I knew he just wouldn't feel the same or he would just ignore me because it was too awkward or maybe I was even afraid of rejection. Everyone I knew wanted Freddie and I to be together, even Carly did, but ever since Freddie saved Carly's life people either want him to be with them or Carly. The majority still wanted Seddie, or at least that is what I heard. Seddie is our couple name; if you ask me I think it's kind of cute.

I am going to be honest and not, well try not to, lie to myself anymore. When Freddie would say how cute Carly was or how smart and clever she was, it honestly made and still makes me jealous. I'm not going to lie to myself about it anymore and say things like I'm not in love with Fredward Karl Benson and that I don't think he is so hot when he talks about tech stuff. As much as I hate to admit it I cry all the time now, well except when I am at school. I hate when people see me cry, it's like telling someone my weakness, they would see it and hold it against me.

My mother lets me stay home twice a week and on those two days Gibby comes by and brings me my daily work. He knows, and he had become a good friend during this time. He gives me advice sometimes and says that I shouldn't worry and Freddie will realize I am the one, but I don't agree with him. Sometimes I think I am going to be alone forever. Wow, life _really_ sucks. Sometimes I wonder about if it was me about to get hit by the big taco truck. I wonder whether or not he would even save me, if he would even care. I have nightmares every couple of nights of Freddie and Carly making fun of me, sometimes its me in the bunny suit about to get hit by a truck. Freddie just stands there and when it hits me they laugh. Its usually around there the dream ends. I wake up terrified of being hit.

I stand next to my locker, while all these thoughts quickly wash away as Freddie walks in. I quickly put on a fake smile as he glances my way, then Carly walks in and my smile fades slowly. She walks up to Freddie and kisses him long and hard. I slam my locker shut and walk to class a bit pissed off at my best friend, or at least what used to be.

**A/N: Okayy so ****xxA-LITTLE-COOKIExx aka my best friend in the whole world!! Proofread for me and she is just the best so go check outt her stories because they're amazing and tell your friends about it :D kayy bye**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1:

**Sam's P.O.V.**

The school bell rang. Finally. I quickly grabbed my books and exited the classroom. I didn't dare look back for I knew if I did I would see Carly and Freddie possibly holding hands or kissing. That was the last thing I wanted to see. I finally got to my locker and quickly gathered my belongings and headed home. I heard Gibby behind me yelling for me to wait up but I just kept walking when he grabbed my shoulder.

"SAM!"

"WHAT?!" I yelled through clenched teeth

"Sorry," he said, "are you okay?"

I sighed, "No..." I said as I sat down and pulled my knees up to my face and cried silently.

"Aw, Sam, come on I know it hurts but you have to think past that."

"Not helping, Gib." I told him looking up at him

He sighed and sat next to me, "Sorry."

Then he put his arm around me in comfort.

"I promise it will be okay Sam."

"You don't know that."

"I know, but I'm sure it will be okay, in the end at least."

"I wish I had a girl friend that I could ask advice with but all the girls at school are afraid of me," I said only making myself more upset at that fact.

"Well," he said slowly as a smile grew upon his face.

"Gibby, you are not dressing as a girl." I stated

"No, no, your mother told me your sister Melanie is coming over."

I usually despised this twin of mine, but I actually was excited for her to come over. I could talk to her and get advice I had to make sure she didn't blow up, though. You see, she was the only good one of our huge family, the only one who'd never been arrested, done, thought something illegal, or even smoked or done drugs, but if someone messes with her family she will, no joke, attempt to kill them, even though she never had. She's never been exactly a fan of Carly even though she may have acted like she was friends with her. She secretly hated her, which I though was stupid, but not so much anymore. I wasn't even sure-

"Sam?" Gibby was asking over and over while waving his hand in front of my face.

"Sorry," I said as I drifted away from my thoughts. I just stared at Gibby and he stared back probably wondering what my thoughts were when my phone rang. I quickly looked down and answered it.

"Hello." It was my mother. She asked me to come home. I turned back to Gibby.

"I got to go, Gib."

"Alright," he replied as he got up standing next to me "I'll see you tomorrow Sam."

"Bye," I whispered as he walked away.

When I got home I hugged my mom and went into my room. I looked over at my bed and saw a familiar girl sitting at my bed.

"Mel!" I yelled as I ran up to her and hugged her.

"I missed you too, Sam." She said with her girly giggle.

"So," she asked smiling at me, "what's been going on in your life?" She kept smiling until I told her what truly had been going on. Her mouth opened wide in shock.

"What a bitch!"

I laughed, "Mel, I don't think I ever heard you swear before."

"That's because I never swear."

"You just did."

"Yeah well that's because Carly turned into a bitch."

It sounded so, so surreal to hear her swear. Holy crap, I loved it.

"So what about the show, iCarly?"

"I quit." I stated in a whisper.

"Oh Sam! Was it that hard?"

"Honestly, yes I am in love with Freddie I have been since we kissed and each day it just grew deeper and deeper and now its just so painful its unbearable, Mel what am I going to do? I have scary thoughts."

"Like what thoughts?"

"Like suicide and cutting, Mel. I don't want to be like that. It's so scary! I don't want to be that person who kills themselves or cuts themselves. It's just so scary! I don't know what I'm going to do!" At that point I was crying uncontrollably and Mel was hugging me tightly in comfort.

"It's going to be okay, Sam," she said slowly. "I promise." I ended up falling asleep. When I woke Mel was not there. I walked into the guest room where I found her sleeping. I smiled at the view and turned and walked into the kitchen smelling bacon, mom was cooking, I faked a smile to make it seem like I was feeling better even though it wasn't worth it anymore because everyone knew it was fake because the smile never reached my eyes.

I sat at the table and my mom set a plate filled with bacon on it and she kissed the top of my head. She then sat on the side of me and began doing the monthly bills.

"You're father called." She said smiling.

"Oh what'd he say?" My father was in the army I rarely saw him.

"He said he is coming home."

"A visit." I said frowning because it's not for good.

"No," I looked at her confused, "for good, Sam." I smiled widely. My father was coming home, for good this time.


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 2:_

**Sam's P.O.V.**

The streets were busy that Sunday night. I looked across the street at the cross light when all of a sudden I saw Freddie. He was crossing. Was he crazy!? I saw a car speeding down, but it was a red light, and a drunk driver, great. I quickly ran as fast my little legs could carry me and pushed him with so much force and we fell on the side walk away from the driver. He smiled up at me and whispered, "You saved my life."

"Oh, it was nothing."

"Nothing," he said pushing me off him, with me landing on the sidewalk floor and him laying on his side looking at me in amazement, "it was everything." He finished. Then he leaned in and laid his lips on –

There was a loud beeping sound and my eyes flew open. Ugh! Dreaming again, sadly. I got up and got ready for my next miserable day. Wait wasn't it Saturday? Oh good, no school, back to bed I went, once again, and hopefully Freddork wouldn't interrupt my dreams. The Lord knows it would only hurt me more. I woke up once again, this time it because of Melanie.

"Guess what!" she screeched in excitement.

I groaned "What?" I said while I turned to her with the look of annoyance.

"A boy named Jake asked me out!" she screeched even louder.

Great she hadn't even been there for a week and she already had a boyfriend. What was so bad about me? Was it because I was stronger then half those wimps? Or was I not pretty enough? Maybe the boys were all simply just afraid of me. There was the beating myself down part. I hated this!! Why did this have to happen to me? Why did I have to fall in love with Freddork? Why couldn't I just tell Carly when I started having feelings for him? Why did I just have to fall in love knowing that I would always get my heart broken in the end? Why did the girl in the story always have to end up broken hearted; why couldn't she get her freaking fairytale ending? Cinderella taught you nothing in life! It just made you think you will all of a sudden meet your freaking Prince Charming at a ball, you will lose you glass slipper when its not even slippers it's high heels and then at the end he finds you and you ride into the sunset. Newsflash! It doesn't happen in real life Cinderella producers! Ugh great just fantastic. I was jealous of a fairytale story.

"Hello!!" I snapped back and Melanie was snapping her fingers in front of my face screaming Hello.

"What?" I asked her with an innocent look on my face.

"Let me guess you were going off about fairytales in you head and how they don't happen in real life etc?"

I looked at her in disbelief. "Damn you're good." I heard the words coming out of my mouth.

"Well first off I am your twin sister, second I have known you since the womb."

"And your point?" I asked her.

She sighed, "My point is I know how you are," She glanced at my iHome which was holding my iPod, "Oh shit!" She yelled out.

"What?"

"I promised mom I would go grocery shopping with her then lunch and a movie I said I'd meet her there I'm going to be late!"

"So go."

"You going to be okay by yourself, because if you want to come you can."

"Nah I'm fine I kind of want to be alone anyway."

"Okay, bye, I'll see you later." And with that she left. I turned my iPod on and Broken-Hearted Girl by Beyonce came on. I listened and just lay there on my bed looking at the ceiling thinking of none other then Freddie. He surfaced my mind taking up all the space in it. My brain was full of memories of cute and funny moments and when I would look at him from across the room and take a picture with my mind. Oh and those eyes ugh how I loved those eyes so damn much! I was now daydreaming. We were at the school dance and from across the room Freddie and Carly were fighting. I felt bad for Freddie I hated seeing him upset; it broke my heart into millions of pieces. They eventually stormed off away from each other and I decided to go over to Freddie and comfort him. My daydream was soon interrupted by a knock at the door. I got up and went to go answer it when I opened the door I gasped.

"DAD!?"

"Hey Sammy," he was the only one who was allowed to call me that. I smiled big and threw my arms around him giving him a big hug.

"I missed you dad." I whispered in his ear.

"I missed you too kid."

"Come in, I'll help you put your stuff away."

After I got my dad settled we decided to watch a movie, but we didn't really pay attention so we just shut the T.V. off and decided to go out for lunch since Mel and my mom were out. We decided to have fun ourselves. Between Melanie and I, I was a mirror image of my father. What people didn't know is that if you stared at Melanie long enough you could see a lot of my mother in her, like the color of her eyes were brown and her nose was just like my mothers. I still couldn't believe Freddie though Melanie was me I mean all you had to do was look in her eyes she had brown when mine were blue. Not just that she had a completely different style of clothing then me she wore pink when I couldn't stand the color, Mel wasn't a complete girly girl she knew how to be tough when she needed too, but she was obsessed with the color pink I literally never seen someone as obsessed as her. My father and I ended up going to Applebee's, one of my favorite places. Darlene came up to take our order.

"The usually Sam?"

"Yes, please Darlene."

"I thought so I already got it on the stove for ya it should almost be done," she looked over at my father for a second and stared a little, "Danny?"

My dad looked up at the women, "Darlene," he said with a smile. He quickly got up and gave her a hug. "Damn it's been a long time."

"I know, I haven't seen you since high school."

I looked back and forth at each of them with a very confused expression on my face.

Then my dad turned to me, "Sam, sweetie, this was my high school girlfriend."

Joy, my father was introducing me to a women he possibly did a lot of things using glow in the dark condoms. "Uh, cool?" I didn't know what the hell to say. All I knew is that he better not have cheated on my mother with this chick or any other tramp.

"So, I'm guessing you want what you usually got when we went out." She said smiling at him.

"You got it," he said smiling back.

I waited till she walked away then turned to my father and just looked at him.

"What?"

"You don't do you?"

"Get feelings for her when I see her? No, no. When we ended our relationship we agreed to stay best friends before we dated we were best friends and when I ended it I asked if we could go back to being that way she agreed and liked my plan but when we graduated we failed to keep in contact."

"And that's all right?"

"What, you think I'm going to cheat on your mother?" He said amused at the thought. I just kept looking at him.

He laughed, "No, I'm not going to have an affair, I love your mother very, very much, she's the most beautiful women I have ever met and gave me two incredible and beautiful daughters." I smiled at him. One of the waiters bought out my steak and I began to eat while I smiled at him and he did also. We caught up on many things and he told me about his experience in Iraq and I told him what I was going through and he told me that Freddie must have been a stupid boy if he didn't realize what was in front of him. I didn't tell him the part about the girlfriend being Carly I didn't like being jealous of her.

I missed talking to my friends but I knew if I did I would only hurt more, and even just thinking about it hurt more. When we got home Mel and my mom walked in about 10 minutes after laughing and my mother stopped at the door way smiling at my father he smiled back. My mother ran over to him and obviously gave him a big kiss it was cute even though out loud Mel and I yelled 'Ew.' When I went to bed that night I prayed to have a relationship like my parents did when I was older. After so many years and getting pregnant at a young age they still loved each other very much and I loved that about them. It seemed as if nothing would ever pull them apart and the thought of that made me happy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 3:**  
**Sam's P.O.V.**

Days and months passed. I was still in a depression I felt nothing, nothing whatsoever my feelings were neutral. Sadly, it never changed. I still watch Freddie and Carly make out in the hallways at school and it pained me. As I would watch, I would question myself, Why did I do this to myself, it only made me feel worst, ugly and not good enough for anyone. The days grew more and I found my self staring at a razor one day. I thought of cutting but then I set it down and thought of how foolish it was of me to even consider it, such a stupid thing it would be to do it. I left the room and went to mine. About 5 minutes later I found my self in the room again staring at the razor. I held it up to my wrist, I thought to my self what could be the harm? I just wanted to see if I was still human, still alive and that not all my feelings had gone away I just wanted to feel pain, so I pressed it against my skin...Suddenly, blood gushed out and I felt pain all over my wrist, surprisingly, it felt good. I did it once again and again then I decided to stop. The cuts weren't deep enough to kill me but still, I didn't want to end up in the hospital then put in to some stupid crazy house with kids who have problems with life I didn't want to go to that damn house no matter what people said or did.. I sat on the bathroom floor flashbacks form everything filled my mind Freddie, what I just did, Carly, my old best friend basically everything I then realized I was crying, my guess was from all the pain both physical and emotional. I let the blood run down my wrists from the cuts I had just opened and I sat there until it healed. By the time I got out it must have been a few hours that had gone by, I didn't want anyone to see me the way I was and had locked my self in the room and wouldn't let anyone come in. By the time I had gotten out no one was home, I was alone. I walked over to the kitchen table where I found a note. It read:

Dear Sam, Your sister, father and I have gone out to eat. We weren't sure if you wanted to come so we left you this note. We didn't want to disturb you we know how hard everything has been on you. Well, if you want to join us we will be at your favorite restaurant if you want to join, give us a call. We love you sweetie and we all hope you get better soon, we miss our always smiling Sam.

Love you always;  
Mom

Well, at least three people cared. I layed down on the couch when suddenly I herd a knock at the door so I went to answer it. "Freddie?" "Hey," he looked at me weakly.  
"Whats wrong?"  
"I love you!"  
"What?"  
And then he kissed me...

I quickly sat up. Ugh fuck! Another fucking dream about him! This goes on every night haunting me, as if it is teasing me because I will never in my life have Fredward Benson. This pained me even more then ever. I couldn't take it anymore I went to my mother's medicine draw. I took out my mother's prescribed pain killers I looked at it for a second then wondered if it would help make the pain go away after all they are pain killers and I placed five in my hand. I looked at it, without thinking twice I took it with a cup of water. A few minutes passed I just looked at myself in the mirror my skin pale as a ghost, my blue eyes red and puffy with tears still streaming down. Out of no where my body started shaking violently. What was happening? I was scared I wanted to panic scream something! Next thing I knew I was falling, it all felt like slow motion then I hit the floor, rock bottom and I felt my eyes growing heavier and heavier so I closed them and it all went black...

**Freddie's P.O.V.**

I was walking to Carly's house when I walked in I herd noise from Carly's room, being extremely curious I decided to go and see what it was, when I opened the door I saw Steve and Carly screwing around.  
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" I yelled wishing my eyes where playing tricks on me. This had to be a dream right? As soon as they heard this Carly and Steve pulled they're naked bodies away from each other.  
"We were celebrating." Steve said smiling widely and Carly smiling up at him. "WHAT? CHEATING ON ME?" I yelled some more staring at Carly. Steve looked confused, "No, Carly's having my baby." he said innocently.  
This hit me, hard. Carly has been cheating on me all those times she was "working" she was sleeping her way through the human body, for some reason it didn't botter me as much as I thought it would but it still hurt me knowing she was cheating on me I would have never took her for that "type." I decided to leave the room before I embarrassed myself more, Carly followed me out to her living room in Steve's shirt.  
"I was going to tell you, sorry you found out like this, can we be friends?"  
"FRIENDS! You cheated on me and expect me to be your friend? Fuck no, I'm not! We're so past friends it not even funny, I hope I never see your whorey face again, bitch!" With that I left slamming the door with a teary-eyed Carly, but I didn't give a shit. I started walking to my house when I got a phone call, it was Melanie. I could hear her crying on he other end. Startled I found my self saying, "Melanie, what's wrong!"  
"Freddie, it's Sam!" As she said the name more tears came and she sounded as if she were going to hyperventilate. Worry flashed through me, I felt like I were going to collapse, Sam, my Sam this, now this brought pain to my aching heart. "Mel, what happened to Sam!" I found myself asking.  
More and more tears came, "She's in the hospital!" I quickly dropped my phone and ran toward the hospital I didn't notice until I got there but I was crying a little myself. When I arrived I asked for Sam Puckett's room and they gave me her room number. As fast as I could I ran to it. When I got to the third floor I didn't even greet Melanie or her parents I just ran straightly into Sam's room and I saw the doctor writing on a paper shaking his head.  
I gulped before I spoke, "How is she?" Praying inside my head she was going to be okay and her limp body on the bed was just a sleeping Sam.  
He looked at me startled for a brief moment, "You're not suppose to be in here young man." he said very calmly.  
"Please," I asked begging, "I love her." My voice was trembling I could hear it, I really felt like I was going to collapse now.  
The doctor sighed and replied, "She's in a coma, from an over-dose. My papers say she was diagnosed with depression a few months back on January 12, 2010. My guess is she she was upset about something and  
overdosed she also was a cutter, her wrists are slit, this all makes her chances very slim for surviving, it will be a miracle if she does." The doctor looked at her one last time shook his head and left me alone with her. I sat next to her on the chair beside her, a bunch of thoughts ran through my mind about what the doctor said.  
January 12, then it hit me, that was only a few days after Carly and I started dating. FUCK! I couldn't believe it what if this was my fault? Oh Sam...This was all my fault! I started crying hard and held Sam's hand tight. "I'm so sorry Sam, this is all my fault." I cried more. Watching her lay in the bed helpless so…so lifeless. It ripped my heart out. I felt this strange pain in my chest it pained even more then before. Like I was alone or life died and had no more meaning like I had just died. I realized it now at this exact moment, staring at Sam laying down so helplessly. It took all this to happen to make me realize how crazily deeply and passionately in love I was with Samantha Puckett. I leaned over to her ear and whispered: I love you Sam.... 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 4:

Freddie's P.O.V.

I went there everyday, hoping she would wake up, for her to tell me as soon as she woke that she loved me and only me and that I was the only one she wanted. I grasped her hand tighter. I started to zone out when I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jumped.

It was Sam's doctor. He looked at me for a second then looked down and said, "I'm sure she will wake up soon, stay confident." He patted my shoulder and left. I watched him leave and I looked back at Sam.

I squeezed her had a little harder and softly whispered, "Please wake up soon, Sam."

Out of no where I heard a loud beeping noise, terror rose throw my bones and I looked at Sam's monitor. It was just a line. I stood up and walked back in terror, I felt my back hit the wall and tears start to form. I ran to the door and opened it and a bunch of doctors ran in. At this point I was crying. I sat in the corner on the other side of the room. I guessed I wasn't supposed to be in there but I was kind of hidden and none of the doctors noticed me there. I watched as the doctors attempted to bring Sam back to life. I watched as they failed the first time and once more again. I just stood there in the corner helpless, more tears falling. :I never told her I loved her," was the last thought that crossed through my mind. I lay my head back. Everything that happened between me and Sam since we met all rushed so fast through my mind. Then, it all went black.

**A/N: Okayy so ****xxA-LITTLE-COOKIExx aka my best friend in the whole world! Proofread for me and she is just the best so go check outt her stories because they're amazing and tell your friends about it :D kayy bye**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5:**

**Freddie's P.O.V.**

I woke up in a hospital room, an empty one to be exact. This wasn't Sam's room. In fact, everything in this room was the opposite of this one. Who was the patient and why the hell was I here! I looked down. I was the patient. I had one question. Why was I in a hospital bed? I was about to get up when Sam's doctor came in.

"Oh, Mr. Benson. Your finally awake!"

"Finally?" I asked, my voice rising a little bit.

"Yes, finally. The doctors found you passed out on Sam's floor when they were exiting the room."

Oh God,Sam. "Sam, is she okay!" I needed to know! Last time I saw Sam the doctors were trying to save her. I had to know!

"I will tell you after I explain what happened to you, you need to be much more careful Mr. Benson." I sat there feeling a little awkward in this hospital robe, or whatever you wanted to call it, in front of the doctor.

"Well, you blacked out, but we haven't been able to find the exact cause yet. My guess is either stress or you panicked in Sam's room."

"Okay, okay I get 's Sam?"

He looked down then softly asked, "Why don't you see for yourself after you change back into your clothes?"

I quickly rushed to the bathroom and changed back into my clothes and he then led me to Sam's room. As soon as I entered my eyes fell on her. She was the same as usual the only difference was she wasn't hooked to the wires and stuff that would keep her alive as she was unconscious. I looked at the doctor with a questioning face.

"Sam is dead, I'm sorry." He left the room.

As soon as the I heard the door shut I ran to Sam's bedside and grabbed her hand.

"Sam!" I cried out. I grabbed her hand and screamed and cried violently. I heard the door open and close. The next thing I knew multiple arms were around me pulling me away from Sam. I held onto her hand and one last time I yelled out "Sam."

I kept kicking and screaming. What was going on with me? I couldn't control myself whatsoever; oh I know I just lost the girl I LOVED! I continued to kick and scream. I could feel the doctors holding me down trying to calm me. I was still crying for Sam. My vision was becoming a little fuzzy, I looked up at one of the doctors whom was holding a needle I then felt a strange sharp pain on my side. Once again I felt myself slowly doze off.

**A/N: Okayy so ****xxA-LITTLE-COOKIExx aka my best friend in the whole world! Proofread for me and she is just the best so go check outt her stories because they're amazing and tell your friends about it :D kayy bye**


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 6:**_

_**Freddie's P.O.V.**_

The following day was the funeral. I don't think I have gone through anything as painful in my life. It pained me to see Sam lying in the open coffin. It pretty much flew by, the whole ceremony and all, when I left the funeral I decided to head down to the closest bar. I found myself ordering a beer and just staring at it. At this point I felt numb, I lost her, she would never know now.

I heard everyone say 'she will always be in our hearts' or 'she was in a better place now' or even 'at least she won't hurt anymore.' It pained me knowing I didn't talk to her for months, and right when I realized I loved her too she died! My life was officially the most screwed up life. I didn't think at this point I just acted. Instantly, I grabbed the beer and chugged it down. I kept the drinks coming and by 5 minutes I must have had around 8 cups of beer. I definitely didn't feel pain now. I stumbled my way out toward the door way and down the street. I found myself at the park where I met Sam, the exact spot we met at. I just sat there for a while.

Two Years Later:

I had just moved to L.A. It was a really beautiful place, and it was about time I got my own place. I was almost 19 years old now and it was about time I moved out of my psychopathic mother's house. I loved that women and all but I swear she could kill me with all those stupid tick baths and other shit. I had just finished unpacking all my luggage and furniture. I stopped as I was walking down the street and thought to myself that Sam would have probably made fun of me for the nerdy apartment.

I smiled thinking about her. The smile quickly faded when the realisitic thoughts crossed my mind. Sam was dead and had been for about two years.

Another reason why I left Settle was that everything reminded me of her. It was the hardest two years in my life. I hated knowing I would never see Sam again, the thought was truly upsetting and scary. I continued to walk down the street when I bumped into someone and made her drop all her books.

"Oh my God, I am, whoa I'm so sorry," I quickly bent down and started handing her books back.

She laughed and said, "It's okay. It was my fault really, I should have watched where I was going."

I looked up at her smiling as I handed back the books, that smile quickly faded away and I was more astounded then ever. All I could make out was, "S-s-sam?"

"Sam?" She laughed and said, "No, my name is Audrey."

"You look just like my Sam, I mean Sam."

"Sorry to disappoint you."

"Its crazy y-you, never mind."

"It's okay, um we should hang out someday how about-"

"Tomorrow? I'm new here I don't know anyone and I don't have any plans whatsoever so how about it?"

"That's, perfect and crazy." She laughed again, it sounded so much like Sam that beautiful laugh.

"I'll um see you tomorrow then?" She smiled gave a light nod and walked away looking back nervously and smiling hugely. I know it was horrible thing for me to do, but I had to know her. There was something screaming at me don't let her go don't EVER let her go! Something told me inside that, it was Sam or Sam was trying to give me a message. I knew I had to find out what this message was!

**A/N: Okayy so ****xxA-LITTLE-COOKIExx aka my best friend in the whole world! Proofread for me and she is just the best so go check outt her stories because they're amazing and tell your friends about it :D kayy bye**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hi. I've been feeling really down because I'm barely getting any reviews and I work hard on this story. I'd really like to hear your thoughts, whether or not they are good or bad. Please review!**

Chapter 7:  
Freddie's P.O.V. 

The hours went by slowly. Truthfully, those hours seemed to be the slowest thing I had ever endured. I wanted everything to end. Every hour, ever minute, every second was spent thinking of Sam.

Sam. My Sam. My _dead_ Sam.

I was crying softly and mournfully, even though it had been two damn years. I missed her like it was only yesterday that I saw her lying on the hospital bed. How she looked like she was sleeping, and the summer nights I had spent at her place rushed through my mind. Whenever me and my mother would get into crazy fights because I refused to be given a tick bath or whatever the mad women wanted to do, I'd go over to Sam's.

I know a lot of people expect it to have been the last place I'd go but that's exactly why I went. Plus, Sam was actually nice to me when no one was around. I remember staring at the stars with her, our little jokes that I would cherish forever, even the wishes we made at 11:11 despite the fact they'd never come true.

It was nice to get away from it all, and to talk to her about the struggles I was going through at the time. I cried more remembering this. I decided to just go to bed. I wasn't doing anything for the rest of the day and I certainly didn't want to spend the rest of the night crying. Damn, I'm a baby.

I woke up that morning and soon remembered the date I had with Audrey. I got ready and made my way to her place.

Deep into our conversation at the ice cream parlor I wondered how increasingly, this girl was like Sam. I mean she loved ham and any other forms of meat, she loved teasing me and she blue eyes, they were just so much like Sam's. It all amazed me.

This girl could fall for Sam so easily, something was wrong. I didn't know exactly what it was but something was wrong. It was a gut instinct and my gut instincts were usually right. I looked back at Audrey the Sam look alike and smiled at her fading more into my deep thoughts.

I lie awake that night thinking about the kiss. I remembered it like it was yesterday. I was with Sam and I had just got into a huge fight with Carly and over all just having a really bad day. I was with Sam and the Groovy Smoothy ramming in about how bad my day was when all of a sudden Sam leaned over and kissed me. It was filled with passion and longed for it, when we pulled away she smiled and claimed I talked way top much.

Yes, I always said I loved Carly. The truth was that I just liked Carly and even then it was just as a friend but secretly I was in love with Sam.

I always have been, but for the longest time I thought she didn't like me. Anyway, one day Carly told me she liked me a lot and well, I kinda wanted to make Sam jealous and want me, but the only thing I did was push her away.

It was my fault she went into a depression and did all those things. It's my fault she is dead now. I wanted to die myself but I knew how much it would break everyone's hearts, especially my mother's. Ever since my dad died in a boating accident when I was 10 she was never the same, she'd go even more crazy if I was dead and I could never do that to her.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 8

That morning, Freddie woke up to the phone ringing. It was Audrey.

Audrey knew she was falling for this guy and she was going crazy wanting to know why he hadn't called. Wasn't he interested in her? She decided just to call him. They both agreed on seeing each other for lunch and then to spend the rest of the day together.

While Freddie was walking down the street to Audrey's apartment, he was thinking deeply about what was his relationship with Audrey was leading to. He was feeling a little bad about it because of Sam. He felt like some how he was betraying her. He felt as if she was still there and that he was cheating on her and it was all completely wrong.

Freddie arrived to Audrey's apartment building and found her sitting down on the stairs. He greeted her with a hello and she greeted him back. They both then proceeded to walk to a restaurant to eat.

Audrey looked up at Freddie and smiled, but it soon faded. "You miss her a lot, don't you?"

Freddie looked down then back up at Audrey with a fake smile plagued upon his face. "Yeah, I do, a lot. It's hard sometimes. I knew her since we were babies because our fathers were best friends and we've gone through everything together." Freddie was getting a little teary eyed but he forced himself not to cry and continued on. "Our fathers both died when we were young. They both died around the same time. I was ten when my father died in a boating accident and when she was nine a month before her birthday her father was killed by a drunk driver. We helped each other through it. We were the only ones who understood each other, now I lost that. I lost her."

Audrey thought for a second. She didn't know what to say. She had a strange facial expression filled with pain and hurt like she could feel the pain Freddie was feeling.

Audrey then laid her hand on Freddie's and looked at him with a sincere look, "I am sorry you had to go through that and lose your best friend." Freddie just looked at her. "Tell me about iCarly," Audrey finally said trying to change the subject.

Freddie told her about how they started the web show when they were in middle school and how they where phenomenal on the Internet. He talked about how they were offered many things because of the web show. He told her about how lazy Sam was with school and how the three of them hung out non-stop. He told her how he dated Carly and how their relationship with Sam was drifting away and how she went into a depression and cut herself and overdosed. He told her how he found Carly cheating on him and how they became friends again at Sam's funeral deciding it was best especially since Sam wouldn't want to see them that way and how eventually he moved to Los Angeles.

Audrey just looked at him taking it all in. "Whoa Deja vu," she said with a chuckle.

Freddie smiled, "How about you. What's your life story?"

A frown crossed Audrey's face and she just stared at Freddie for a while, "I don't remember. I haven't remembered anything since I came back and even before I came back. I didn't remember anything except for the things that have been happening since, well according to my mom, since I hit my head and got amnesia."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but what gave you Deja Vu?" Freddie asked her a curiously.

"I don't know. It seems like I've heard the story before. Something just doesn't seem right with how Sam died. Something just seems so wrong," she replied.

"Exactly what I thought!" Freddie said almost yelling it, no matter how much he tried to control himself.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 9:**

Later that day, as Audrey walked to her house with Freddie, she couldn't stop thinking of his story. Why had it seemed so familiar to her? When she arrived home she and Freddie said their goodbyes ending, with him planting a soft kiss on her cheek. Audrey walked inside and called for her mother. She felt like they needed to clear some things up.

"Mom!" She yelled out calling for her mother. "We need to talk!"

Her mother came rushing down the stairs, "Your not pregnant are you!"

"What? No!"

"Oh goodness don't scare me like that, Audrey!"

"How did I scare you I only yell- nevermind! Back on topic."

Her mother looked at her at tentatively showing that she was ready to listen and Audrey knew it was safe to continue.

"Am I Audrey?"

"Don't be ridiculous of course your Audrey!" She could see her mother was starting to get angry at the fact she asked this so she decided to give her mother sometime and ask again later.

"I'll just g-g-go now I'll be back for uh um dinner…"

"Okay, hunny, but don't take too long," as she finished the sentence she gave Audrey a kiss on her forehead and walked away but instead of feeling a mother's love she felt darkness and cold she sensed her mother was hiding something…but what?

Audrey called Freddie and told him to meet her at the local library.

She started looking up both her mother and her. She tried to find something out, something was wrong the way her mother yelled at her as soon as she asked about who she was.

Why didn't she remember anything about her past, why didn't she remember what her father was like or what he looked like? Why were the only things she knew about him the little things she got out of her mom by bugging the crap out of her?

Why did Freddie's story give her the sense of Deja Vu? Why did she feel like she didn't belong to the world she lived in? She wanted answers and that's exactly what she intended to get during her library trip. As she continued her search she came across an old newspaper article.

**17 Year Old Girl Commits Suicide**

_17 year old Audrey Cambell committed suicide last night because of depression. She was daughter to Anna-Marie and Joseph Cambell. On June 15, 2005 at 6:30 while her parents were out for dinner for their anniversary, Audrey committed suicide. Friends say she has been really depressed for 5 months prior to the accident and refused to talk about it with anyone. She didn't allow herself to show people how she felt inside and never talked about why she was so depressed. Friends pressured her to go to therapy but she refused. Taking the problem onto her shoulders and not sharing with anyone the problem grew and grew to a point where she couldn't handle it on her own. Audrey Cambell was a smart and bright student; it is still under curiosity to as why Audrey would want to take her own life. The police are trying to find a diary or if she would have communicated to at least one person about her depression, so far police have found nothing_.

"Hey Freddie, come look at this."

Freddie walked over to Audrey and read the article over her shoulder. When he had finished he looked over at Audrey, who was wondering what he thought.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 10:**

"You're dead…" were Fredward Benson's first words to Audrey.

"How is this…if I'm dead…who am I?"

Freddie looked up at Audrey and studied her features for just a moment.

"S-Sa-S-Sam?"

"Do you think it's possible?" Audrey thought for a moment. "I can't be Sam. She's dead!"

"No! She isn't! Think about it. Sam dies and all of a sudden you appear "alive" again in this town!"

Audrey knew Freddie had a point, but how could she be Sam. Everything seemed like a huge load of bull shit with her mother now.

"Think about it, why does Sam's life sound like déjà vu to you. Why do you feel like your so close to Carly. Why do you feel like you've known me forever?…You're Sam!"

"I've got to go." Audrey said quickly as she rushed to her house to find her mother.

"Mom!" she yelled, her voice full of anger.

"What is it dear?"

"Don't call me that!" Audrey replied, totally hating her "mother" at the moment.

"What's wrong honey?"

"Don't call me that either!"

"What did I do?" Audrey's mother was getting really confused at this point until Audrey pulled out the stack of newspaper copies that she found.

"Explain. Explain to me how Audrey is dead. Explain to me how you found me and took me. Tell me who I am. I want the truth."

Anna-Marie went into a psychotic fit. "I. AM. YOUR. MOTHER!" She yelled the last word at Audrey.

"Your psychotic!" Audrey screamed at her. "You took me while I was in the hospital! You took me away from my friends and family just because I look like your daughter. I. Am. Not. Your. Freaking. Daughter."

Anna-Marie picked up a glass vase and flung it at the wall as anger filled her veins. "I AM YOUR FAMILY AUDREY!"

"NO YOU'RE NOT! AND MY NAME ISN'T AUDREY. IT'S SAMANTHA JOY PUCKETT!" As she said this she remembered everything, from meeting Carly and Freddie, to them dating, to her depression, to the overdose…she was and always would be Samantha Joy Puckett and not even this psycho could change that.

"Listen you ungrateful pain in my ass! Who ever is filling you with this load of bullshit is a liar!"

"No! You are."

Anna-Marie grabbed Sam's arm forcefully, and too strongly for Sam to break out of for she didn't have the same strength due to her suicide attempt.

"Let me go!" Sam yelled in pain. She was on the verge of crying at this point.

Anna-Marie tied her to a chair. "Why are you doing this?" Sam asked.

Anna-Marie looked up at her. "Because she's gone..."

"Why me? How did you even get me?"

"You look so much like her…"

"Please let me go…" Sam started to plea she was so freaked out and she just wanted to go home. As Sam.

"SHUT UP!" Anna-Marie yelled at her. "SHUT UP AUDREY JUST SHUT UP!"

"I'm not Audrey! Let me go!"

"No! You will stay here until you learn to respect your mother!" With that Anna-Marie stalked out of the basement, leaving Sam trapped in it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 11:**

When Sam heard the little click of the basement door being locked, she began to cry uncontrollably. She stopped when she noticed a sharp point protruding from the wall of the basement. A thought came to her mind. She rolled over to it and started rubbing the ropes around her wrist on it. Eventually her hands broke free of the ropes and she quickly pulled out her phone, luckily the crazy women hadn't thought to take it away.

She decided to quickly text Freddie and type as fast as she could because her battery was dying…FAST. Her thumbs flying across the keyboard on her phone she wrote: _Help! In the basement, stupid bitch locked me up!_

Now all she could do was hope, struggling with the ropes around her legs, which were tied pretty tight in her opinion, trying to get her mind off the situation she was in.

Freddie was drinking his smoothie in total bewilderment that he had found Sam... his Sam! This was amazing! He was right the whole time, Sam was alive and no one could say otherwise, but did she believe him? As he was getting lost in his thoughts his phone vibrated in his pocket and he quickly pulled it out.

"Mom?"

"Hey Freddie I miss you so much I was calling to find out if it'd be okay if I come down there to visit you."

"Actually mom, how about I come to you?"

"That would be amazing Freddie bear!"

"Is it okay if I bring a friend?"

"Yes, that's perfectly fine! I can't wait to see you, will your friend be staying with us?"

"As long as its fine with her then sure."

"Ohhh it's a her. Is she a special friend, hunny? Are you being safe?"

"Maybe in the future she will be, and yes mom, in the future I will be safe," Freddie said into the phone smiling like a child on Christmas day opening the present he had been dying for.

"Okay, hunny. I have to go I can't wait to see you!"

"Love you mom." As he started to put his phone back in his pocket it vibrated again he lifted the phone up to see Sam's text. As he got to the last word he quickly got up and ran out the shop to Sam's house. When Freddie got there he wasn't exactly sure what to do then he saw a window in the basement and threw a huge rock at it breaking it. Freddie quickly crawled in and found Sam on the floor still struggling with the rope around her legs. He ran over to her quickly to help her out of it. Sam was about to speak but Freddie motioned to her to be quiet just being precautionary in the case that Anna-Marie were to hear them.

After getting Sam out of the ropes they quickly but quietly crawled out the window to find Anna-Marie standing there with a knife in hand, waiting to finish them off.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 12:**

Freddie and Sam looked at Anna-Marie with terror in their eyes.

"What do you want from us?" Sam asked with tears in her eyes, she didn't want to die.

"I want you dead..." Anna-Marie replied to Sam's question.

"Why? What have we ever done to you?" Freddie asked her through clenched teeth.

Anna-Marie kept looking at Sam, "You left me, Audrey! Why! Why did you leave me!"

"I'm not Audrey! I can't answer that for her!" Sam said she really just wanted to go back home. She missed her family, she hadn't seen them in years and she was dying to be back in her father's arms while her mother would stroke her hair and Melanie rubbing her back. She wanted to see her family again and show them she was alive.

"SHUT UP. YOU ARE AUDREY!" Anna-Marie yelled with a crazed look in her eyes.

"Why do you have a knife in your hands?" Sam questioned.

"You won't listen. You only keep leaving me!"

Anna-Marie's eyes grew more with a crazed look as she ran at Sam, knife in hand.

Freddie jumped in front of Sam pushing Anna-Marie away from her.

"NO! You will not take her away from me again!" Freddie yelled at Anna-Marie.

Anna-Marie and Freddie were rolling all over the floor fighting throwing their fists at each other. Sam screamed for help but no one responded. As Sam took one more glance at Freddie and Anna-Marie's fight she watched as Anna-Marie stabbed Freddie in his stomach and got up to her feet.

"NO!" Sam yelled as she tackled Anna-Marie. She was so taken aback by Sam's tackle she let go of the knife falling a few feet away from her. Both women fought to reach the knife kicking, screaming and scratching each other. They both struggled to get away from each other to get to the knife.

Sam looked over at Anna-Marie who was holding onto Sam's foot with a evil grin upon her face. Sam deviously smiled back at her and with all her force kicked her in her head making her fall back. As Anna-Marie lay there in pain for a bit Sam crawled over and grabbed the knife hiding it in her back pocket and covering it with her long shirt. Anna-Marie looked up at her with a confused look on her face and Sam watched as realization read on her facial features.

"Why did you leave me, Audrey?" Anna-Marie asked Sam in the most depressing voice ever.

"I won't leave you mom." As Sam said this she stretched her left arm out to her "mother" and with her right reached for the knife in her pocket. As she pulled Anna-Marie into a hug she pulled out the knife and shoved it into Anna-Marie's stomach.

"I. AM. NOT. YOUR. DAUGHTER!" Sam said to her through clenched teeth as Anna-Marie fell to the ground. Sam ran over to Freddie quickly setting his head in her lap as she pulled out his cell calling 911.

"Stay with me Freddie! Come on! We've been through so much! You can't let a damn knife separate us now, not yet!"

Freddie smiled up at her. "I have always loved you and I always will." With that he closed his eyes.

"NO! Freddie! No no no no no! Not now!" Sam was crying uncontrollably, "We were suppose to have a family and grow old together! Common Freddie wake up! Common!" When the paramedics came they had to have 3 guys pull Sam away from Freddie so they could put Freddie into the ambulance.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 13**

Sam was pacing back and forth back and forth in the hospital hallways. She couldn't take her mind off of Freddie. Was he okay? Was he going to die? Was she going to, once again, loose him? She finally fell to the floor next to the door of Freddie's room and bursted into uncontrollable tears. One of the doctors walked out of Freddie's room and glanced over at her, looked down and walked away, without a word being said. Sam got a bad vibe from the doctor and bursted into even more tears.

Almost completely lying on the floor, she cried her heart out until more doctors came out and told her she could go in. As Sam got up and created the courage to go into Freddie's room her heart started to race

Ba-Boom Ba-Boom Ba-Boom...

Her feet stopped right after she stepped into the room. Immediately she looked at Freddie and frowned. Was he in a coma? Was he sleeping? She went over to him after closing the door and sat on the chair beside him. Quicker then a heartbeat she grabbed his hand as a tear rolled down her cheek and she bowed her head. Little did she notice Freddie's eyes open almost immediately at her touch. Sam at this point was going on about how he should have never taken the bullet for her.

Freddie slowly said to her, "I would take a bullet for you everyday of my life if it meant never losing you again."

Sam looked up from hearing his voice and she cried tears of joy getting up and giving him a huge hug.

"Don't EVER scare me again!" she said to Freddie as he held her tightly.

"Not even a bullet will tear us apart never even that crazy woman."

Sam chuckled and wiped her tears, she usually felt a bit stupid crying but she didn't care. She loved Freddie and she didn't care if he saw her cry.

**2 Week Later**

Sam and Freddie were getting off the plane to be greeted by both Spencer and Carly. They quickly ran up to each other sending warm and happy greetings. As they exited the airport Freddie and Sam held hands and stopped for just a brief moment while Freddie planted a soft kiss upon her lips.

**The End xD**

**A/n: Please Please Please Please review I really wanna hear your thoughts on this story I hope you all like it I have a new story that will be coming out shorty I hope you all check that out along with my other stories. Please share your thoughts I love reading them and they DO make my day so PLEASE make me smile. Love you all ! 3**


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